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Lullabies for Retired Gymnasts

by Anna Azizzy

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1.
Mental Block 01:15
i hit a wall today in the middle of my regular routine i became afraid to fall today i couldn't get my feet to leave the beam i had my first thought today that i'd fall down and never again be seen everything changed today i've lost my will as the engine of this machine i hit a wall today i hit a wall today
2.
i know when i became a teen i was proud of being 13 i was the oldest on my team i know when i became a teen something changed inside of me i was the most fearful on my team when i became the most fearful on my team i was left to watch my own routines while coach tossed daring 9-year-olds on beam now i know he was not trying to be mean it's just the negligence was unforeseen i'd thought i wouldn't need retire till 18
3.
the strength inside your arms will only last a while the strength inside your ankles sure will wither but you will never stop the memory in your bones the memory of the feeling you're together the strength inside your hips may fall out of line the strength inside your back may make you crooked but please never forget the memory in your head the memory of the pain that you could weather the strength inside your knees will surely bend and crack the fearlessness you had will soon seem senseless but at least locked deep inside you will always have the memory of the time when you were better
4.
my legs are longer than a year ago now it takes longer to reach to touch my toes long legs look pretty when split on beam or bars but it's hard to tumble when your feet must move so far run great big feet i still run as fast as i can jump great big feet i still leap as high as i can
5.
arm side and down arm up and down spot turn arms up, down bounce bounce straddle jump, lunge lunge run dive-roll stand finish sashay hop pose pose run front handspring rebound land run run run pose curved run leap hop slide to floor turn kneel splits turn to stand prance prance plea, forward and back half turn step close backward roll to handstand lunge, finish step kick, step step curtsey straddle tuck step prepare, full turn finish hitch-kick, swing turn back walkover lunge stand round off flick-flack flick-flack rebound finish pose, releve
6.
i've been hit 1400 times now i stand here now i hold you your bones are bigger than mine i can catch you i can hold you 1400 times i can catch you i can hold you every single time

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released October 18, 2016

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Anna Azizzy Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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